When Your Friends Don’t Approve of your Boyfriend

By Lynette Pretorius

Whether you’re simply getting a vibe that your friends don’t like him or they have expressed distaste for your guy, this kind of disapproval can be very stressful.

While you trust your friends’ opinions about shopping or getting set up on a date, it’s a different story when they don’t like your boyfriend.

So what happens when your friends disapprove of your choice?

You may end up questioning the guy’s suitability or start picking at his flaws. Or, you may act defensively around your girlfriends. You may be less inclined to involve them in aspects of your life that include your boytoy. In short, you may feel like they are attacking you because, after all, you are the one who chose to be with him. You may question their motivations. Are they jealous or being petty?

What can you do?

Any relationship, especially a new one, can render you oblivious to your partner’s faults. Think about why you have the friends that you do. You chose them for a reason. Perhaps they are well-intentioned and want only the best for you. They may have picked up on cues that may make him appear unsuitable for the long-term, based on their knowledge of you.
Reflect on your friends’ past dates or relationships and any concerns you may have had. What were your reasons? Did you have their best intentions in mind? How did you handle it? Remembering might help you understand your friends’ position, instead of becoming defensive.

If it still bugs you that your friends don’t seem to support your relationship, consider approaching them one-on-one to tell them how you feel and why. Ask them why they don’t seem to support this relationship. You may not get much more than the classic, “I just don’t want to see you get hurt,” but if you’re lucky they will be honest about their reservations. They may surprise you by pointing out something that you have yet thought about. Perhaps there’s something you’ve been deliberately putting off and telling yourself you will deal with later. You might even realize that their opinions simply don’t line up with yours and that the issues they bring up don’t concern you in the same way.

In the end, keep in mind that you are the one in the relationship, and you are the one whose happiness is on the line. While it is wise to closely consider your friends’ warnings, it’s also important to look closely at the relationship through your own lens before you do anything you might regret.

Here are a few questions to help you think through your relationship:

1. What attracted you to him in the first place?
2. What is it you like/don’t like about him now?
3. Where is this relationship realistically going?
4. And perhaps most importantly, what if your friends never get on board with this relationship? How is this going to affect you in the long-term?